Autumnal is my new favorite word.

Saturday is the "Mid-Autumnal Festival" for us English speakers. Or as my friend calls it "the New Moon Festival." But I have sources that call it the festival of Lanterns, the Mooncake Festival, even Zhongqiu Festival. Whatever you call it, this festival coincides with the Autumnal Equinox on planet earth. This means the sun will rise directly in the east, and set directly in the west. As with most terrestrial things, this equinox is relative. In the southern hemisphere it is the Vernal Equinox as they are entering into spring. So all you witches, sailors, farmers, campers, vagabonds, and stargazers enjoy your place in the universe.

Praise for lawyers by lawyers.

I just ran into this article which depicts lawyer like this:

"tell phantasmagorical stories of power and achievement in the legal profession. Big law firm associates haul in big bucks while mentored by legal bigwigs in fancy skyscrapers. Trial lawyers perform on stage to an admiring audience of jurors. Prosecutors save the city from dangerous criminals and are treated as community super heroes."

When I grew up we told jokes about lawyers being scumbags.

No clue.

Brian Leiter is looking good. Don't ask my why cos I don't know.

Autumn smells like chili.

I'm always hesitant to get excited about cool weather, especially when its only the first cool front of the season. But cool weather invokes thoughts of hot chocolate, fall colors, pumpkin pies, sweaters, and holding loved-ones close to stay warm (the imagery is good, but I'm not sure it ever gets that cold around here). One thing I love about the cooler weather is cooking soups, stews, and especially chili.

Chili has got to be the easiest dishes to prepare. Ground meat, onion, a couple cans of beans, a couple cans of diced tomatoes, add heat, and season to perfection. The great thing about chili is that it can be as simple or complex as you want. When I first started cooking I used the recipe in The Joy of Cooking. That is, until I found a few simple ways to make my chili more exotic.

For example, I add a couple cloves of garlic, a 1/4 teaspoon of cumin or coriander, 1/8 teaspoon of cinnamon or cayenne pepper, and of course a good bit of chili powder. Sometimes I'll add turmeric just for the cancer fighting properties, and some paprika for schlitz and giggles (both are relatively mild spices, so they don't add much flavor). Lately I've been using three different beans (blackbeans, kidney beans, chickpeas, etc.), and we call it "Three Amigos Chili." Really, the possibilities are endless.

If you're still reading, here is a pro tip for you chefs out there. I ad 1 oz. of dark chocolate at the end for a smooth texture and a little thickness. While you won't see this on Wiki's page on chili, I once read in an anthropology class that the origin of chili has been traced to ancient Greece. Accordingly, the Grecian chili was not considered "true" chili if it was not sweet to the palette.

So there you go, another crazy post from a guy who likes to eat.

Music À la carte: Revolver by the Beatles

Since the internet is fair game for being trite and unoriginal, I'm going to tell you why you should like the Beatles album Revolver. This album seriously changed the way I look at music. The story allegedly goes that Revolver was the first time the Beatles sat down in the studio to collaborate and record an album. The "first studio album" as they say. Very generally speaking, most releases before that were singles, jingles, or pop covers that may or may not have been recorded while on tour.

But Revolver marks the beginning of a musical arc for the Beatles. It is the second step on the band's way to releasing Sgt Peppers, and we all now how wonderful Sgt Peppers is. Arguably, the album Revolver is evidence of the band's evolution from a pop group to legends of rock. Adherents to Lennonist/McCartneyism will argue that "Revolver is the album from which all modern rock, metal, punk, is derived." To avoid utter banality, I leave you with these words of wisdom friends. Experience Revolver for yourself. Listen to it a thousand times if you have to, then listen a thousand more. Any sentient being that does so will be thanking me later.

Not too serious.

Now that this blog is public world wide, I want to give a better first impression. So, the downside to being an internet celebrity is that you are fair game for anyone to come creep your blog or your page. That's cool with me though. There is a large body of mediocrity out there, and everyone wants to be an internet celeb. By the way, I'm being silly again because I don't think I'm a celebrity at all. In fact, if the internet didn't exist, I'd probably crawl into a hole somewhere and never come out. But, the internet does exist. People are going to read this. People will hate me, and that's just what I have to deal with. In short, I'm not particularly unique from the million other guys out there "doing the internet." I'm here to be silly, sometimes inappropriate, and to have fun. Don't take yourself too seriously, and I'll do the same.

How To Hypnotize a Chicken

A fellow blogger recently posted a how-to guide on removing blood stains. While this is not a self-help website, it is sometimes-attempt-to-be-humorous website. Thus, I will continue on how to hypnotize a chicken, as our elders have passed down for centuries.

While there are many ways to hypnotize a chicken, we will only consider one method. The first step is to gently restrain the chicken and place it on its back on your lap. About an inch or two from the chicken's beak wave the flattened palm of your hand in a gentle circular motion. Between five and ten circles the chicken will go limp.

Now you have successfully hypnotized a chicken, please do not harm any animals if this is attempted at home. Be nice to chickens and don't eat them. Only use them for their eggs, and always give chickens at least one acre of space per chicken for adequate space to freely roam.

This is an attempt at humor. I think it has failed miserably.

Billy Participates at Church

So my neighbor Billy is a great guy. I hope that he never thinks my "Billy Stories" are meant to disparage him. Labor day weekend we sat around drinking beers and eating burgers from the grill. After showing me his Hot Wheels collection, he started telling me about how short the mass was on Saturday.

Hurricane Isaac had knocked out power to the surrounding area, so church had to be held in the gymnasium. On a typical Saturday Billy brings his wife and MiL to church, but he waits in the car because he doesn't believe in all that "voodoo bullshit." But this was different, this time he participated by directing traffic to the auditorium where mass was held.

As Billy puts it, the people would drive up and he would say:

Billy: "park over there, church is in the auditorium today"

Churchgoer: "is there AC?"

Billy: "nope!"

Then each churchgoer would swing the car around and promptly leave, skipping church. Billy wants to know "what are they going to do when they get to hell?"